I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
