remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
