im about as happy as oj after his trial
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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