i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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