I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
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What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's never too late to be topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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