I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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