she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
