I just saw a hot homeless man
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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