ya dads aren't the best wingmen
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
