Plan B is the new Plan A
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
