You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
