Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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