despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
