My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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