Ambien. No doubt about it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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