haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
