Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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