Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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