FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
