I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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