ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
