Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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