my phone needs a breathalizer
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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