I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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