he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
