im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
