What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
