Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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