did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
