perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
