So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
