we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
