His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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