I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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