Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Houston, we have a squirter
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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