They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
