umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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