i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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