I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Randomize
