You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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