Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
