Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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