What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
