I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
