I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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