I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
