Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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