My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
