I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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