Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
