You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
