You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize