Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
