You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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