i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
