she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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