So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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