Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
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Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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