i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
