So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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