Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
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My ATM looks so different sober.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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