My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
