In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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