Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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