Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
