My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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