tell your sister to shave her snatch
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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