bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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